Putin – may I be sanctioned?

Robert van Voren

On March 20, 2014, the world woke up to the shocking news that in his infinite wisdom Russia’s Putin had imposed sanctions on not less than nine US politicians. From now on, these hidden Banderovytes and anti-Semites would be barred from doing business in Russia, have assets in Russian banks, or visiting the places of the Gulag. Hell, they probably would not even be allowed to trade in Russian Rubles!

Most of the world was in shock; my overruling feeling was one of dismay. Yes, I am not a US politician, but over the past 35 years I have been actively involved in promoting bourgeois human rights in Russia and in territories that belong to the Russian “Lebensraum”. I have allowed myself to sink to the level of an anti-Soviet activist, and in 2003 gratefully accepted citizenship of the renegade state of Lithuania that in violation of international law considers itself to be independent from the Russian Imperium. Moreover, I have crossed all boundaries by calling Putinism the last phase of Sovietism, calling his government criminal and neo-fascist, and ridiculing the bravery of his compatriot politicians who have had the audacity to end subversive and extremist independent media, annul the presumption of innocence and ban the sale and import of lace underwear. 

In other words, I have done everything possible to evoke the wrath of the Great Leader, but somehow that has been left without appropriate consequences.

Hence, Vladimir Vladimirovich, I am calling on you: may I please be banned from using the Ruble as currency, from buying Gazprom or Rozneft stocks and shares, and from benefiting from the fruits of your insane wisdom and vision? Could you please include me into the next list of persons who have to feel the harsh effects of Soviet-Putinite justice?

I am ready to be punished, and I will carry my cross with appropriate dignity, I can assure you.

Signed: Robert van Voren,

March 21, 2014

(the beginning of spring – but not in Russia)

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