The Russian story about the shootout at Sloviansk – see if you can spot the ludicrous parts

By Thomas Theiner

Putin's finest spies at work

Putin’s finest spies at work in Sloviansk

The Russian story about the shootout at Sloviansk- see if you can spot the ludicrous parts:

26 guys armed with nothing but bats man a checkpoint 6 km outside of Sloviansk. Four cars with at least 10 heavily armed guys drive up to the checkpoint and stop 10 m before it. The armed men get out of the cars and open fire, killing two (10 armed men, 10 m distance and hitting only two… atrociously bad shooters).

The rest of the guys with bats run away and 20 armed men from Sloviansk are called to come and retake the barricade. Until these 20 men arrive, the attackers do nothing but wait at the barricade; they don’t leave, they don’t advance, they don’t set up an ambush, they don’t try to dismantle the barricades, nothing! They even don’t move their cars…

The 20 armed men from Sloviansk arrive at the barricade and open fire on the attackers, who don’t fire back but flee with just two of their cars as the other two cars are shot up from the left side and the back… but not shot up from the front where the barricade and Sloviansk is… so the attackers were attacked from behind and managed to escape exactly in that direction too…

More amazing: even under fire from behind and the side the attackers managed to load their injured into the remaining two cars and drive off… while the Sloviansk men managed to get backpacks, guns, uniforms, a World War II era German machine gun, brand new dollar bills, etc. out of the burning cars… with nothing of that stuff being scorched… and, wondrously, neither are the two license plates of the burning cars scorched.

Need more hints that this is a staged fakery by idiots? In Sloviansk they display a body who supposedly had a Right Sector business card and a Right Sector medallion with him, but no ID documents whatsoever, and on the business card the Russian transliteration for Right Sector is used, because now we all die-hard Ukrainian nationalists are in love with Russian and don’t use Ukrainian at all.

To sum it all up: I expected the GRU/FSB to work more professionally when setting up faked accidents as pretense for Putin’s war.

Thomas Theiner is a writer and production manager. He has previously lived in Kyiv for 5 years and worked at a subsidiary of Ukraine’s biggest film company.



13 thoughts on “The Russian story about the shootout at Sloviansk – see if you can spot the ludicrous parts

  1. Does it matter? No.

    Even if the whole world laughs about this story, Putin still has his fairy tale as an excuse for invasion. It’s pointless analyzing the flaw in those stories. Now is the time to get the army ready and to signal to Putin that any invasion of Ukraine will be his Afghanistan.

  2. Nobody knows what really happend there. Maybe the attackers planned to blame it to “the russians” with their fake stuff? Who knows? Or some crazy “pro-russian”-group that wants to escalate the whole situation? This is a big propaganda war und euromaidan pr is obviously also a part of the problem und not of the solution…

  3. So the spelling according to wikipedia of right sector.

    Ukranian wikipeia : Правий сектор
    Russian wikipedia : Правый сектор

    This doesn’t agree with what the above article says : “and on the business card the Russian transliteration for Right Sector is used”. So according to wikipedia, the spelling of “Right Sector” is in Ukranian Cyrillic, not Russian.

    Could someone explain?

    • My mistake – brain fart :p Russian transliteration of course refers to the only english text on the business card – the email address, which has the Russian transliteration of “Right Sector”.

      • I’m an experienced translator and I can tell you that there are many transliteration systems when dealing with languages in other scripts. Translators ‘tend’ to stick to one particular system, but not necessarily and when it comes to your average Joe transliterating scripts anything goes. I wouldn’t exactly refer to the organisation in question as involved in scholarly pursuits. One can easily examine the different systems in play by looking for romanization of Ukrainian/romanization of Russian even on Wikipedia. This particular part of the argument is not compelling.

  4. It is time that the USA ramp up sanctions ALL THE WAY to the max and it time for concerned global citizens to send economic and military aid to Kiev so they can defend their country and peace in the world.

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